16 Year Old Kills Self: Suicide Letter: Rejection Sensitivity Which is Common with A/D's
Summary:
In the body of the letter is the statement: " As for my depression, all I want them to do is give me my medicine and take me to the therapist. I don't want them trying to help me or talk to me about anything."
Daniel Mendez, a sophomore at San Clemente High School, says he “always will be a nobody” in a chilling letter to his psychologist about eight months before he took his life.
SAN CLEMENTE – San Clemente High School sophomore Daniel Mendez opened up to at least two therapists about his emotional anguish in the year before his suicide, and yet both testified under oath that he never mentioned being bullied in high school.
So when his parents sued four of his classmates in 2010 for relentless school bullying that they said directly caused their son to take his own life, it raised a host of questions – and unleashed a flood of very personal, very painful documents and patient records about their son's mental and emotional state. One year after his death, a memorial is set up for Daniel Mendez by his family and his school's "Cool To Be Kind" club.
"I've always been a nobody, I am right now a nobody, and I always will be a nobody," Mendez wrote in a chilling email to one of his psychologists in September 2008, about eight months before committing suicide.
"When I die, which had better be really (expletive) soon, they should put on my tombstone: Here lies Dan Mendez. There was never a significant amount of people who gave a (expletive) about him," continued Mendez, who was 16 at the time. "And heres the sad part: I know that if I died today, the only people who would give a (expletive) happen to be the group of people who I hate, my family. I wish they would shut the (expletive) up and stop trying to help me."
The two-page email – released in Mendez's court file during the discovery phase of the civil lawsuit – is just one of dozens of documents, witness transcripts and patient records that chronicle Mendez's life from the time he was first diagnosed with suicidal ideation in June 2008 to his death from a self-inflicted gunshot wound on May 1, 2009.
Among the items entered into evidence are sworn depositions from clinical psychologists Perry Passaro of Newport Beach and Alfonso Bustamante of Children's Hospital of Orange County, who testified that not only did Mendez never mention being bullied at San Clemente High School during their therapy sessions with him, but that the first they heard of any alleged bullying was after his death. (Passaro worked with Mendez for a few months; Bustamante took over for insurance reasons.)
Passaro, an expert on cognitive behavioral therapy, said he was "surprised" when Mendez's parents began stating that their son "had been bullied to death," according to the deposition.
"He gave me no evidence that I can recall that indicated that there was anyone bullying him," Passaro said under oath. "There was no indication of that from my – my discussions with him."
When asked if anything about Mendez's November 2008 email to him suggested his patient was being bullied, Passaro answered, "No."
Likewise, Bustamante answered "No, sir," when asked if Mendez ever reported being bullied in school.
Mendez's parents, Danny and Anna Mendez, maintain their son was bullied by the four students named in their civil lawsuit, and have cited interviews with Mendez's friends to back up their claims. Also, the psychologists confirmed that while Mendez never mentioned being bullied in high school, he told them he was bullied in middle school.
Defendants agree to settle
The Mendez family's attorney, Jim Traut, said that at least two of the four students named as bullies in the lawsuit have reached confidential settlements with the family.
"For whatever reasons they have, they were inclined to agree to the settlements they've reached so far – it wasn't forced on them," Traut said.
The Register is not naming the four San Clemente High students because they were never charged with crimes and it is unclear from civil court documents which of them, if any, are minors.
The case is scheduled to go to trial June 27 if settlements are not reached with the remaining two defendants, but Traut said a jury trial was unlikely and that settlements likely would be reached with all four students.
A Cal State Fullerton sociology professor who was asked to review Mendez's two-page email said that while Mendez may have never admitted explicitly to being bullied, it was implied by the way he described interactions with his classmates.
"He doesn't mention being bullied, but you can read into it that he was getting very negative feedback from other kids," said Professor Emeritus Tony Bell, who has extensively studied suicide and death. "He appears to be a victim of his own inadequacy and how other people are responding to him. He is a target. He takes a lot of the blame himself. He blames his lack of social skills for what's happening to him."
In his email, Mendez said his peers "only joke about" his depression and sadness, "laugh at" him, and "talk (expletive) to me and mess with me because they know I won't do anything about it."
SAN CLEMENTE – San Clemente High School sophomore Daniel Mendez opened up to at least two therapists about his emotional anguish in the year before his suicide, and yet both testified under oath that he never mentioned being bullied in high school.
So when his parents sued four of his classmates in 2010 for relentless school bullying that they said directly caused their son to take his own life, it raised a host of questions – and unleashed a flood of very personal, very painful documents and patient records about their son's mental and emotional state.
"I've always been a nobody, I am right now a nobody, and I always will be a nobody," Mendez wrote in a chilling email to one of his psychologists in September 2008, about eight months before committing suicide.
SAN CLEMENTE – San Clemente High School sophomore Daniel Mendez opened up to at least two therapists about his emotional anguish in the year before his suicide, and yet both testified under oath that he never mentioned being bullied in high school.
So when his parents sued four of his classmates in 2010 for relentless school bullying that they said directly caused their son to take his own life, it raised a host of questions – and unleashed a flood of very personal, very painful documents and patient records about their son's mental and emotional state.
"I've always been a nobody, I am right now a nobody, and I always will be a nobody," Mendez wrote in a chilling email to one of his psychologists in September 2008, about eight months before committing suicide.
Inside Daniel Mendez's mind
Editor's note: The following is an unedited email that Daniel Mendez wrote on Sept. 19, 2008, to Newport Beach psychologist Perry Passaro, who was treating him at the time. It offers a chilling and graphic look inside the mind of an emotionally troubled teenager in the months leading up to his suicide in May 2009. Per Register guidelines, expletives and names of students have been omitted.
Dr. Passaro,
I know my appointment is tomorrow on Friday, the bad feelings of depression are beginning to come back to me. I have started to feel bad again, and I'm sick of it. This was written a few months ago, but one day i felt so bad, and i was on the computer, and i typed up a bunch of stuff explaining why my life sucks. I thought this would give you a better idea of what goes on in my head when i'm depressed. I was hoping we could talk about this when I come in on friday.
-Dan Mendez
PS I know it is sort of long, sorry. And please read the entire page, cause it seems like it ends at some point when it really doesn't.
My life is, right now, as (expletive) up as it could possibly get. I could go on and on and on with the problems that I have, so I probably will. I used to have really good grades in school, but now I get all Bs and Cs, and that's really bad for me. I have one of the most annoying families in the world. I know most parents are overprotective, but mine are the most uptight and tense parents in the world. There are a lot of other problems, but the biggest one that makes (me) feel like (expletive) is the fact that I have almost no social life and I can't do anything about it. I think ive lost the few friends that I have. That's just how I am. I push people away without even realizing that I'm doing it. I used to think it was everybody else's fault for not accepting me, but now I know better. I'm the one to blame; it's my fault; im not good enough for anybody. Everybody expects you to be fun and happy all the time, and if you're even a little sad and depressed, they only joke about it and laugh at you, not knowing what it's like to have the kind of pain that you have. You need to be what everybody else wants you to be. My "friends" were able to accomplish that and they are all happy as a result. Since I don't know how to talk to people at all, I had barely any friends at all, which has now turned into no friends at all. You need to be able to take and make a joke with people in order to get them to like you, and since I couldn't do that, I've lost all my friends. I had one person who I felt like I could talk to, and it worked the first few times, but now it's done. I've irritated the hell out of him and everybody else with my whining and my depression. I'm unimportant to them and they all wish I would just get the (expletive) outta here. They pretend they want me around, but that's only because they know I have no other friends and they don't want to make me feel bad. It's simple, my friends matter and I don't. Most people would tell me that it's just part of growing up and you'll soon get over it. That's (expletive). If I can't make friends or talk to people now, what'll it be like when I'm an adult? If I get nervous around chicks when I'm grown up, it'll be a disaster. I want to die badly: God hates me, and I'm sick of having to worship him, know that no matter how much I pray to that son of a (expletive), he'll only (expletive) up my life even more and laugh at me while I suffer. I'd rather burn in hell than spend one more day watching my friends have the kind of grades that I want, or have the kind of social lives that I want, but I know that I could never have either of those because you're not good enough for life. There are some people in high school that are the cool kids that have all the (expletive) in the world. They have a ton of friends and everybody likes them. But then most people would say that those (expletive) aren't important because they will be nowhere in 10 years. Then there are the (expletive) kids that get straight A's in school, but they have very few, if any, friends at all. I'd rather be any of those two types of kids than be who I (expletive) am. I have nothing good going for me. I have neither social skills nor good grades. Nothing going for me right now and nothing to look forward to. When the popular kids grow up, they might not have the best jobs, but at least they'll have friends and people who care about them. And when the (expletive) grow up, they may not have many friends, but at least they'll have good jobs and they'll make something of themselves. Here's another problem that I have. I hate to admit this, but I am a weak little piece of (expletive). I can't fight for (expletive). I've finally learned to admit it. People talk (expletive) to me and mess with me because they know I won't do anything about it. I would if I could, but here's why I cant. First of all, if I do react, I always act like a (expletive) and people love how I get angry and they think its funny. Second, I know that whoever is making fun of me is more important than me. That's what ive learned. If some loaner or some (expletive) that everyone hates talks (expletive) to me, I just ignore him because he's a (expletive) and it doesn't matter what he (expletive) says. But if the person is more popular than you, has more friends than you, and theyre better than you at stuff, then it does matter what they say and you're supposed to sit there and take it because they're more important and you're not; it matters what they say and none of the (expletive) that you say matters at all. People will listen to them and never listen to you. And it's not just like that in high school, but in all aspects of life, even among adults. I should just kill myself before I have to put up with all of the failure that I know is coming for me. Life is too hard for me, I can't do anything and everybody, including God, laughs at me. It's like he's taking the bad grades that I have and the very bad social life that I have and rubbing it in my face everyday, wondering how long it'll take before I finally lose it. To make it all short, it's simple: I've always been a nobody, I am right now a nobody, and I always will be a nobody. When I die, which had better be really (expletive) soon, they should put on my tombstone: Here lies Dan Mendez. There was never a significant amount of people who gave a (expletive) about him. And heres the sad part: I know that if I died today, the only people who would give a (expletive) happen to be the group of people who I hate, my family. I wish they would shut the (expletive) up and stop trying to help me. As for my depression, all I want them to do is give me my medicine and take me to the therapist. I don't want them trying to help me or talk to me about anything. It pisses me off so much when mom and dad try to talk to me about my problems, trying to act like they know what the (expletive) they're saying, acting like they actually know how to give good advice. I can't believe when I was younger that I actually went to them for advice and help with something. Each time the result turned out badly.
Bottom line: I have nothing good for me right now, I probably have a crappy life ahead of me, and I should probably just die right now. Save myself and everyone else around me alotta trouble.
This letter is to my small group of friends.
Look, I don't know if any of you give a (expletive) about the fact that I'm gone, but if you actually care, and if there was anybody who is actually sad about my death, sorry. But I knew my life wouldn't get any better. I knew there wouldn't be many people who cared about me if I died. And when I say people, I'm not talkin about my family, (expletive) them. I know I was paranoid about many things and always suspicious of everyone. That's just my personality. But I know I can take a hint and I thought I knew what u guys really thought about me. I wasn't important to the group. I wasn't good friends with anybody. I didn't matter. All I was to the group was that stupid, annoying Italian kid who just followed you guys everywhere and never said a word, and you guys only let me hang around with you guys because you knew I had nowhere else to go. A lot of the time I sat there in the group and would hardly say anything, which was why nobody gave a (expletive) about me and half the time, you forgot I was even there. That's my fault, not yours. Whenever I hung around you guys, I was either quiet, angry or just flat out annoying. Sometimes, I was depressed and I just sat there not talking. Sometimes, I'd be in a pissed off mood and would let others see that. Sometimes even, I would be in a good mood and I'd try to talk to people, but I could tell you guys were getting fed up with the fact that all I would do was open my mouth about stupid (expletive) that no one cared about and I didn't know how to have a normal conversation with anyone. I wasn't interesting, funny, or fun to be around. That's why everyone loved (name withheld) and (name withheld), but me, being the exact opposite, I was never important. I'm trying to find the correct words to say to you guys, because I don't know if I really was a friend to you guys, or if you could care less about me. If you guys didn't want me around, I'm sorry you had to put up with my (expletive) and now you guys can move on with your lives and not have to deal with me anymore. But if I really was a part of the group and people actually gave a (expletive) about me, then I'm sorry I'm gone. All I want to say is I did consider you guys my friends and you guys were awesome people.
Article
SAN CLEMENTE – San Clemente High School sophomore Daniel Mendez opened up to at least two therapists about his emotional anguish in the year before his suicide, and yet both testified under oath that he never mentioned being bullied in high school.
So when his parents sued four of his classmates in 2010 for relentless school bullying that they said directly caused their son to take his own life, it raised a host of questions – and unleashed a flood of very personal, very painful documents and patient records about their son's mental and emotional state.
"I've always been a nobody, I am right now a nobody, and I always will be a nobody," Mendez wrote in a chilling email to one of his psychologists in September 2008, about eight months before committing suicide.